I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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