I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
