I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
