My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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