I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
