I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
