remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
