two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
