before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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