WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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