I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
