Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
