I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize