You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
