We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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