Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
