I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
