Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
