I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
