he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
