Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
