He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we're making bets on your personal life
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize