I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize