that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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