ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
