Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
