He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she smelled like a LAN party
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
