I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
