I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so explain again why im purple
no
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
