The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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