On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
