apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
