Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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