One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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