I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
