in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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