you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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