shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
