you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
