is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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