Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
