who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
