I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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