It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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