Having a random hookup so left but love u
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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