you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
