Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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