my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
