I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
