youre lurking in front of me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
