I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
