glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
