i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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