sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize