Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
