wakey wakey hands off snakey
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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