How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
