Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
