Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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