Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Even my vagina gasped.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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