We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
