my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
