Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
