he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
