I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
