did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
