she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
