I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
