Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
